All kinds of thoughts and questions were racing
through my mind, all the how’s, whys, when’s, the Ifs and buts, what did I ever
do to deserve this was running through my mind. In my defense to convince
myself that the doctors report could be wrong, I said to myself I have been
faithful to my girlfriend for almost a year now, she’s the only person I have
been having unprotected sex with though as a Christian it is wrong
to have sex before marriage; Is this Gods way of teaching me a lesson because I
desecrated His perfection and ignored His goals, I don’t do drugs to be
affected by any unsterilised needle nor do I cut my hair with the barbers
clipper so how did I get infected with this incurable disease.
Feeling guilty I called my Kristine to come
over so I break this heartbreaking unfortunate news to her. Didn’t quite know
how I was going to go about it or how she going to take the news but she needed
to know. I opened my mouth to speak and every word I uttered was accompanied by
a tear; I mustered courage and told Kristine all that the doctor had said to me
but she didn’t look surprised as she just sat there staring into my hopeless wet
eyes. Finally she spoke and what she could say is she cheated on me a couple of
times, oh my God! I exclaimed, how could you do this to me? I asked. This is
not true, it cannot be.
My questions on how I contracted this deadly
disease have been answered. I know I was infected by my long-term regular
partner. When we first met, we always used condoms. However, as the
relationship grew, we stopped using them she said she trusted me and I need to
trust her but believe me, Trust is no protection!
At the
age of 22, the last thing one would expect to take home from a casual sexual
relationship is a chronic and incurable disease and that is what I got. Just a
second after closing the door behind me after walking Kristine out, I collapsed
in tears, sobs choked me, filled with the urge to vomit. It lasted a few long
minutes. I had never experienced that. How could she do that she was a good
girl, she was my girl.
I came to accept that am now living with HIV
aids, I told My Mom, Dad, Pastor and close friends though it wasn’t easy. I
called Rose to let her know I have forgiven her; hard call to make.
Today I am
still Andre. I’m still living. I get questions like is my infection a punishment
from God? No get real God and I are tight. Can I still have sex? Duh the
disease didn’t castrate me. However, I have to inform any potential sex partner
before engaging in sex. Honestly to date, I haven’t really wanted to go down
the sex-road. However, not having sex is not a punishment I’m giving myself.
It’s a choice I’m making about my needs right now.
Do I have any regrets? Yes I wish I didn’t
think I was invincible to the disease, I wish I had used protection all the time.
I want to let everyone reading this; whether gay, lesbian, straight, white,
black, Hispanic, Asian, Middle-Eastern, purple, pink or blue, because everyone
may be, and can be affected by this
epidemic. So be careful and be on the lookout, don’t take chances like I did.
