Monday, 26 March 2018

Walking On Broken Glass



Has the doctor ever told you that you have HIV? Surprised? That same silence suffocated me like a ton of broken bricks as I held on to my phone and excused myself from my friends. I said to myself if I've got what the doctor says I've got, then I am going to jump off a building to end it all. These words from the doctor hit me like a sledgehammer hitting a nail.  What is going to be of me? What do I tell my church I am the youth pastor, how am I going to break the news to my parents, my girl would think I cheated on her and almighty society will ridicule me till the virus kills me.

All kinds of thoughts and questions were racing through my mind, all the how’s, whys, when’s, the Ifs and buts, what did I ever do to deserve this was running through my mind. In my defense to convince myself that the doctors report could be wrong, I said to myself I have been faithful to my girlfriend for almost a year now, she’s the only person I have been having unprotected sex with though as a Christian it is wrong to have sex before marriage; Is this Gods way of teaching me a lesson because I desecrated His perfection and ignored His goals, I don’t do drugs to be affected by any unsterilised needle nor do I cut my hair with the barbers clipper so how did I get infected with this incurable disease.

Feeling guilty I called my Kristine to come over so I break this heartbreaking unfortunate news to her. Didn’t quite know how I was going to go about it or how she going to take the news but she needed to know. I opened my mouth to speak and every word I uttered was accompanied by a tear; I mustered courage and told Kristine all that the doctor had said to me but she didn’t look surprised as she just sat there staring into my hopeless wet eyes. Finally she spoke and what she could say is she cheated on me a couple of times, oh my God! I exclaimed, how could you do this to me? I asked. This is not true, it cannot be.
My questions on how I contracted this deadly disease have been answered. I know I was infected by my long-term regular partner. When we first met, we always used condoms. However, as the relationship grew, we stopped using them she said she trusted me and I need to trust her but believe me, Trust is no protection!

 At the age of 22, the last thing one would expect to take home from a casual sexual relationship is a chronic and incurable disease and that is what I got. Just a second after closing the door behind me after walking Kristine out, I collapsed in tears, sobs choked me, filled with the urge to vomit. It lasted a few long minutes. I had never experienced that. How could she do that she was a good girl, she was my girl.
I came to accept that am now living with HIV aids, I told My Mom, Dad, Pastor and close friends though it wasn’t easy. I called Rose to let her know I have forgiven her; hard call to make. 

Today I am still Andre. I’m still living. I get questions like is my infection a punishment from God? No get real God and I are tight. Can I still have sex? Duh the disease didn’t castrate me. However, I have to inform any potential sex partner before engaging in sex. Honestly to date, I haven’t really wanted to go down the sex-road. However, not having sex is not a punishment I’m giving myself. It’s a choice I’m making about my needs right now.
Do I have any regrets? Yes I wish I didn’t think I was invincible to the disease, I wish I had used protection all the time. I want to let everyone reading this; whether gay, lesbian, straight, white, black, Hispanic, Asian, Middle-Eastern, purple, pink or blue, because everyone may be, and can be  affected by this epidemic. So be careful and be on the lookout, don’t take chances like I did.











16 comments:

  1. This is an eye opener and am really glad to have chanced on this. Trust indeed is no protection against this disease

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  2. Hmmm, this has triggered my consciousness to be careful on anybody i decide to live my life with. Touched by the words. I now see a new sensation of GH bloggers. Versatile Andre! In fact, you are the best.

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  3. So what's the moral of the story? Don't have unprotected sex? Don't assume your partner is as faithful as you have been for over a year (what did he mean by "faithful for over a year"? Was he unfaithful before?)? Break up with your partner if they admit to being unfaithful (he never said he contracted the disease from her!)? Practice safe sex after finding out you have HIV? How to REALLY become a true Christian believer after you contract HIV?

    The last thing on my mind would be how I'm not "INVINCIBLE" to HIV as a "SEX" driven Christian! As a Christian, you ought to know that anything is liable to happen to you, hence why part of your daily "WALK WITH THE LORD" is to ALWAYS remind yourself about being prepared and PROTECTED! Apparently this individual has failed in applying his own religious beliefs and doctorine to himself!

    Let's say a Fire Fighter goes on a nation wide campaign to teach people about the dangers of playing with matches. During his speech he tells you a story about a personal life changing event he recently had that REALLY CONVINCED him that playing with matches around gas is dangerous. He States he had been a fire fighter for over ten years, but recently realized that he too is not immune to the dangers of playing with fire! What would you think about him?

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  4. Inspirational message.
    Much appreciated

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  5. Thanks for sharing. It's an eye opener. God bless you my dear.

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  6. Great piece Bro . This piece will surely impact someone's life. In fact I have taken my fair share out of it. Bless up

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  7. Too much emphasis were laid on the sexual cause of the disease, each cause and mode of spread of the virus should have been given at least equal attention. Stereotypes or no stereotypes, family, religious leaders and close but trusted friends must always know your status to support victims emotionally, bravo for that.Though Rose never looked surprised you had the virus, she could have been negative, since it's an STI, both partners must test to confirm your status bro, yet forgiving her was the best thing you did to yourself. Presentation was absolutely perfect and the end was nailed right, this is because the viewer sees the writer to be confessing and in the end comes across a great piece of advice and realising the writer stood 'clean'. Lastly, the writer should advise readers on regular HIV checkup, the difference between HIV and AIDs and the avoidance of stereotype and other forms of stigma to victims of the virus in society. Well done bro.

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  8. Yo but you don't got aids tho rightπŸ˜•

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  9. Brilliant just brilliant. An Edifying piece, I've personally taken a lot from this write-up.

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  10. An eye opener. Trust is no protection

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  11. πŸ™πŸΌπŸ™πŸΌ

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  12. Marvelous piece. It's definite eye opener for all. Keep up the good work Andre

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